November 23, 2020
The eighteen findings that this experiment yielded represent some of the most insightful, educational and life changing information I've ever received and realized. Without a doubt, they summarize this journey from my head to my heart and beyond. So applicable to life right now as we know it, I started this podcast with this findings. Those "episodes" are different from this audiobook version because back in June I took one finding at a time and talked more about the discoveries found as a result of this 100 day experiment. If you listen to and share anything this week, may it be these nuggets of wisdom that came through me to you. I'm using them daily in my life as I like you navigate these times of outrageous change and upheaval. Turns out, that the only constant in change is our relationship to ourselves, our devotional practices, whatever they may be, that keep us tethered to that centered place within us that is untouched by the craziness in the world around us.
Thank you for listening to my audiobook! I hope it has been an enjoyable ride. Looking forward to seeing what transpires next week as we return to our weekly episodes of "The Confusion Experiment." Enjoy.
November 16, 2020
As I entered the last ten days of my experiment, I was clearly changed by my experience. Meditation allowed me to distance myself from myself to such a degree that I became the observer of everything I am, everything I think and the patterns of behavior I was trapped in. I was learning about self-love, something my upbringing deemed as selfish. Now I saw it as selfless. I transcended my roles of daughter, sister, friend and ascended to the experience of my divine self. Even still, on day 94, I put my meditation off till the evening however this time met it with much more compassion and less judgement. Mostly though, I came to realize how my mind works, the Truth about my thoughts and my thinking and how important the heart is in living an authentic life. Here are the final ten days of my 100 day experiment. Next week I'll sahre with you "the findings" that the experiment revealed. Timely information for all of us. Enjoy.
November 9, 2020
In offeirng my audiobook here at my new podcast for the book, I've had the chance to listen again to my transformation and it's helping me yet again. That's because this information, the insight, the wisdom is coming through me from Source, from my Higher Power.
I choose to talk about family in the experiment because we are all trying to have more harmonious, more loving relationships and nothing gives us the practice time like family. It's also beautiful to revisit how meditating everyday for one hour radically changed me. On day 83 I ask the question, "Why are we so afraid to feel our feelings?" and go on to explore the answe. Addressing self-care and learning how to take care of ourselves, looking honestly at habits that keep us stuck, the journey from the material to the spiritual and the road less traveled are just some of the deeper dives I take at the end of this journey from my head to my heart. On day 89 I explore the idea of enlightenment and how I've come to realize that it's not the absence of difficult times but rather how quickly we can move through them.
These days are rich with insight that I truly hope you are able to bring home to your own life so as to experience a lighter way of living. Enjoy.
November 1, 2020
There's no doubt about it. My weekend retreat with Michael Beckwith propelled my transformation. As if meditating for one hour a day wasn't enough, I head off into the California desert for two full days of silence. Life changing. As we continue through my 100 days of meditation, there is a noticeable difference in my experience while meditating and you hear it in my sharing. Day 60 starts off with a poweful command to the Universe: I'm ready for change. Little did I know I'd go on to create a transformational program called, "Ready for Change" with now over 85 graduates. Seeds, seeds, everywhere.
Days 61-75 are no less shocking in their expansive and accelerating personal growth. Letting go of my storyline. Clearing the storeis that limit me. I'm letting go of a 53 yaar old story and identity. I'm turning in my victim card. The old skin cannot hold the new wine. All of them are chapter titles! Hold onto your hat, your heart and let go of your mind. The chrysalis phase is nearly complete. Enjoy the ride.
October 26, 2020
Here we are at the half way point of my 100 day meditaiton experiment and you can definitely notice how my sharing is starting to shift. The deep space and place to which meditating for an hour every day has brought me is starting to change me. It's certainly changing what I'm talking about as the insights filling my awareness are taking on a higher realm of perspective. In these next 14 days, I am clearly beginning the journey from my head to my heart and what a long strange trip it's been! In fact, Day 50 is entitled, "How can I live from my heart without the dismantling of my mind?"
What continues to make this story so unique is that the curtain is pulled back for all the world to see! I am on the operating table and I am inviting you in to witness the surgery which includes the cutting away of what no longer serves me and the healing of many issues that were embedded in my thinking. As with any committment of this level, there comes a point when you turn the corner. That turn, that corner is here in this next episode of The Confusion Experiment. Enjoy.
October 20, 2020
As I approached the mid-way point of my 100 day experiment, you can begin to hear how my daily sharing is changing. As meditating for an hour everyday brings me deeper into myself, more and more is being revealed and experienced. Thus is the process of a daily meditation practice. In time, you begin to detach from experiencing yourself as your thoughts and begin to observe them as a separate experience. This is a HUGH shift and in and of itself heals. Meditation allows us to go from "I am confused" to "There is confusion." This too is a tremendous shift in awareness and helps maintain the role of the witness we hear so much about when talking about this topic.
Some of the titles of these days include, "What are you bringing to the chaos?" which is something we can relate to BIG TIME right now. As long as there are humans there will always be chaos however we are experiencing a weariness now and need to step back and self care. Whether it's meditation, prayer, yoga, chanting, exercise, inspirational reading or viewing or taking a hot bubble bath, please up the time you spend on yourself. We all need to learn how to deeply care for all parts of ourselves, especially the parts we cannot see. Enjoy.
October 13, 2020
Most personal transformations, periods of self-growth are just that: personal. But I choose to put the camera in the chrysalis to offer a front row seat to what transformation of one's mind, heart and self looks and sounds like. It's really quite an extraordinary experiment: a complete deconstruction of my thoughts and an understanding into how and why my mind works the way it does so as to reconstruct it with conscious awareness.
In days 20 - 34 of meditating for an hour everyday for 100 days, I cover quite a bit. Here's how I titled these days.
Beyond the Headlines
She is Risen
If at First You Don't Succeed
The $400 Lesson
Silence is Golden
I Need to Know
The One Behind the Thoughts
"Transformation sucks," said the Caterpillar
Refusal and then, Surrender
I'll Take Instinct Over Experience Any Day
A Spiritual Response to President Trump
No Woman, No Cry
What the Fuck is Going On?
Yesterday Doesn't Exist.
October 5, 2020
The Confusion Experiment came about to see if meditation could heal my confusion. The experiment was to meditate for 100 days for one hour everyday and then to grab my phone afterwards and record whatever came out of me! Those 100 days are the equivalent to putting a camera inside the chrysalis. My transformation mirrors that of the catepillar into the butterfly: painful, messy, sacred. To have documented such personal growth is really quite extraordinary and I'll forever be grateful to Kyle Cease for the challenge.
If you want to see the full length videos, which I recommend, you can go to my YouTube channel. Keep in mind that I had those videos transcribed by my incredible friend Christy Morgan. From there we edited them so that the reader could experience the heart of that day's revelations while honoring the format that is a book.
Here are the first 19 days when I had no idea what the hell I was doing or what I said yes too. It's really perfect listening for these days of confusion and change that seem to be only increasing in intensity. Thanks for sharing with others. Enjoy.
September 29, 2020
This week's episode of The Confusion Experiment podcast features the last two chapters of the audiobook before the 100 day experiment begins. Chapter six, "F**K Clarity" is the story of the dam's wall cracking and breaking as the water it has held back comes rushing forward. Here the wall represents my beliefs and distorted mental filters and the water represents my heart. Chapter six also reveals the agreement I make to Kyle Cease for what would become "The Confusion Experiment." I truly had no idea what I was saying yes to but knew I had to leave that weekend with something.
Chapter seven, "And So It Begins" tells the story of that tender experience we feel anytime we leave a weekend like this one in which we go deep for the purpose of self-growth and transformation. Leaving Sacha, getting on that plane to fly home to Alaska, the deep depression I felt from my sincere disappointment in what happened and what didn't that weekend is all offered to you with raw honestly as I embark on a 100 day committment of self-love. I truly could not even begin to imagine the life changing experience awaiting me.
All we know is that the catepillar consumes itself as an offering to what it is yet to become but no one said it was easy. Enjoy.
September 21, 2020
This week we continue with the audiobook of "The Confusion Experiment" and chapters four and five titled "The Dark Night of the Soul" and "The Exorcism." In these two deeply personal chapters from my book, I share honestly about my dance with suicide during after my father's death, the end of my relationship, the end of my business relationship and the death of my beloved dog. It's also a journey of hope and grace and ultimately the choice to live.
In chapter five, I continue my dramatic transformation during my weekend retreat with Kyle Cease and come to realize that I was loaded with expectations that were not being met.
Thank you for sharing this with others as my friend said to me last night, "every single one of these days is "The Confusion Experiment." Indeed. Enjoy.